Mou Sukoshi

facebook wtf

I think my account was just hit by the facebook copyright nazis. I was replying to a comment by my nephew about pokemon black and white. He wanted to have a copy of it so I was asking him if he even knew about roms and what not and to answer me back and I would upload or explain it to him. Next thing I know "Account Temporarily Unavailable Your account is currently unavailable due to a site issue. We expect this to be resolved shortly. Please try again in a few minutes." One can only hope it gets restored instead of being zapped into oblivion. I really don't know if I would bother making another account if that happened.

surprising message

I got an e-mail today from Alexandre Dinerchtein. He is a professional Go player from Russia. He is 3-dan in the Korean Baduk Association. We were born in the same year lol (so sayith Wikipedia). He wanted me to link some of his sites on here. I wonder how he got my e-mail address as its not the one I list on here for contact. I'll just keep it a mystery I guess. Anyway if you like go feel free to visit his sites that I have posted in the sites I like section. He runs the insei league on kgs and his homepage is here and both of these links are in sites I like plus the ones following it were asked to be added by him. He's not a bad looking guy ;)

Happy Veterans Day and other things

I wish I could just sleep through today until it is over. My brother would have been 31 today. I still miss him terribly. Being so close in age (he was only 11 months older than me) means we liked a lot of the same things. He was really into anime and electronics. I always see stuff online that makes me think of him. Think that he would like to see this or that.

I'm still pissed about his wife taking everything of his. We didn't get anything. I do have some of his stuff that was in my storage. I had called the place after I came back from the funeral. Multiple people have tried to gain access. I'm glad I had the thought to get the lock changed. I had asked his wife for the key since my brother had it. She told me she didn't know where it was. She had called me a few weeks later saying she had the fucking key and tried to get into the storage but the storage lady wouldn't let her back there as she did not have the code. That lady knows who the hell I am. I've been paying that storage for years. She isn't getting anything out of there and I told her as much. She could have at least let me have his laptop. My aunt bought him that laptop as a Christmas gift a couple of years ago. She had called me out of the blue and asked what would I like. He had been talking to me about how his laptop was fucked so that was the first thing I thought about and she sent us both one.

I hope my brother is happy wherever he is and this is probably one of the last posts I will make about him. I don't like to think about him at all now. I know I will never forget him but its just easier for my own mental stability to not think about him. It took me a couple of weeks not to wake up crying. I dream about him sometimes like he is still here but I guess that's normal. Some days I only think about him once or twice. Hopefully I will have days where I don't think about him at all but it has not happened yet. Its funny how you only think about something like that once someone you know dies. I have other family and they rarely cross my mind day to day. Frankly it hurts too much to think about him and what I've lost.

Anyway happy veterans day to all who have served and loved ones of those who did.

yet another year older

I'm 30 today. This has to be the worst year I have ever experienced. My brother is dead and I'm unemployed. I know things could be worse but still this is bad enough.

Last day

I must say I am glad of it. I am not going to miss this shit. They didn't do anything for us today either. We got to leave 45 minutes early and that was about it. I don't know what I will do now. I know I can get unemployment but it won't be much. I have the option of going back to school to have benefits extended to 12 months instead of the 6 you can get it. I don't think I will though.

Getting laid off

Isn't that just great. We are being laid off officially September 4th. Really the 3rd since we are not going to work in Saturday. At least there is unemployment. I have to say I am not surprised. They have been telling us the facility won't close but we have seen the signs for more than a year. Those who found other jobs have left long ago. Work is not so easy to find here unless you want to flip burgers for minimum wage maybe. I will be sticking it out until the end if I can. I got deviated for every fucking day I was gone when my brother was murdered. If I am even late by 1 minute I would be fired now. These people make me sick.

Back Home

I'm exhausted. I have to go back to work and don't want to but life does go on. My manager had the nerve to fucking call me on the day of the funeral to ask when I was coming back because they need people and the iphone is coming out etc. I was in the car with my aunt and my nephew. We were driving to the cemetery to bury my brother. It took a lot of effort not to flip the fuck out and start screaming into the phone. My manager has no people skills. Doesn't give a shit about anybody's personal situation. She knew when the funeral was. No decent person would have called someone on the day they were burying a family member like that.

Its finally over

The funeral is finally over. The entire thing was wrong. His wife had it at her church that my brother hated. He didn't want to have a funeral to begin with. She doesn't care about anything but appearances. We gathered at her house (in the trailer park...) and I got to see his big screen tv and living room furniture sitting in there. I did get to meet my aunt Bernice in person. She and my father came down from California. The eulogy was absurd. The preacher was talking about some shit about how we never know when god will come calling and you have to get your life right so you can be ready at all times and all that crap. Didn't speak about my brother's life. Could have at least spoken about his honorable service to the army and the fact that he was a father and husband. I was so pissed. I'm just glad its over and done with.

I got to see a lot of people I hadn't seen in a long time and most of them I barely remembered. Most of the people who spoke for him were women. I'm not surprised since he liked the ladies. He will be missed and I loved him so much.

Goodbye bro.

Going crazy

I went to view my brother's body. It didn't even look like him. He seemed so small. He wanted to be cremated but his wife didn't want to do it. Says she wanted a grave for her kids to visit. She doesn't seem to get that he can still have a grave. She makes me sick. I wish he had divorced her. They weren't even together and from what his friends told me she ransacked his apartment the day he died and took everything of value.

Worst day of my life :(

I got a call today that nobody ever wants to get. My mom called me at 3a.m. telling me my brother was dead. Some rat bastards jumped him in a parking lot. When they knocked him down they shot him in the back of the head with a shotgun. They wanted to rob him. He was set up by some girls who he helped out. They told these guys he had over 3 grand on him which is stupid. He has 4 fucking kids, is retired military, and was not currently working. They got all of 200 bucks he had on him. His life was apparently worth that much. Something he would have given away if you asked him for it but he isn't going to stand there and do nothing if you try to rob him. I hope those cocksucking motherfuckers turn up floating in the river.

i really need to post more

I haven't been blogging at all on here. I need to really update my scripts. I'm thinking of moving to wordpress since everybody and their grandmother seems to be using that. I'm use to MT though. I'm on facebook a lot playing Mafia Wars and Fairyland. I have been using twitter but it really sucks. I only post there because Dreamhost is having a contest giving away 20 ipads. You can enter daily by just tweeting DreamHost. Apparently having 'Fail' in any of your tweets is cause for disqualification though. Like 'that was full of fail' but if you use the word properly there isn't anything to worry about. I try to post every day but I forget sometimes.

Anyhow nothing new is going on with me. I still work in a call center for at&t. I haven't been to work in a week though. I got sick for a few days and they told me I have to get a doctor's note saying I can come back. I won't be able to get one until tomorrow. I didn't win the lottery Saturday so I guess I will have to continue working :P

If only my bills would pay themselves. I paid for my web hosting for another year. I'm not doing a damn thing with any of my websites though. I need to get on the ball and make some extra money. I have ideas, just too lazy to implement them.

another year gone

Akemashite omedetou gozaimasu! I hope everybody is hangover free this morning. I went to bed promptly at 10pm lol. I'm completely uninterested in staying up until past midnight on a work night. I wish I didn't have to work today but oh well. I don't really have anything else to say for right now. I need to make another post and backdate for last Monday since I really want to talk about how stupid the events of that day were. Maybe later :)

yoi otoshi o!

Man 2009 is almost out the door. I have to work and that sucks major ass. I can't not go today or I would screw myself out of holiday pay. I really wish they would change the policy. You only get it now if you are scheduled to work on the day of the holiday. I have had to work Thanksgiving, Christmas, and now I have to work New Years eve and day. The least they could do is not penalize you if you don't come the day before or the day after (one or the other, not both lol). I can't even celebrate early.

Anyhow, I hope 2010 is better than 2009. Maybe I will find something other than this dead end job. I can only hope for the best :)

If anyone is wondering, or even cares, the title of this post means have a good new year.

I hate my job

I haven't gone in since Friday. I have legitimate reasons mind you, but I really don't care if I ever go back. I seriously need to find something to do. I have so many problems and it is really such a hassle getting to and from work since its not here in town. I wish I could move back to Georgia. Maybe once my brother's living situation is back on track I will go stay with him and then find a job there. I need a change. I'd want my mom to come with me too though but she probably won't until the guy she's taking care of finally dies or she becomes unable to care for him any longer (which will seem more likely to happen than him dying).

I really don't have much to say today. I need to get back into web design and such. I'd much prefer being my own boss again you know. Working a day job sucks ass. More later...

Another Year Older

I still have nothing to show for it. A few years ago, December 2005 to be exact, I had written myself a letter to be e-mailed to me when I turned 29. I remember writing it but I didn't remember what I wrote. Pretty depressing really. Anyway, here is the message:

--
Dear FutureMe,

Well, today is the day you turn 29. Nothing at all special about this year but there is one thing in particular I want to address. Are you doing well financially? How about your health? You really should get something done about your absurdly high blood pressure. I know you've heard it a million times but hypertension is the silent killer of black people. I sincerely hope you have not died yet. That would suck very much. Today is the deadline of the promise you made to visit Japan. Have you accomplished it? I hope that you have. I also hope you went back to school and got some sort of degree. You should be running your own business by now or at least in the beginning stages of it. Remember that you do not want to grow old if you are poor, unhappy and constantly struggling. I hope that your nephew Devante and your niece Keyonna are both prospering and so are their parents.

Is mother still among the land of the living? She will have turned 54 this year. No matter what, you should always try to take care of her. Even if your brother and sister abandon her, you should not be like them. You've always been the one who cares the most in the family. Sadly you are also the most unfortunate one, despite being the smartest in the family. Sometimes you will have to harden that soft heart of yours to get ahead in life. Your brother and sister already know this, which is why they are doing much better than you are (but I think that has more to do with them being selfish than anything perhaps). It is my greatest hope of all that by the time you get this message, you will not be struggling so hard and are capable of living an easy-going life.

Ah, one last thing...how is Susumu? :)
--

Well, I guess I will start answering my own questions. I live paycheck to paycheck so my finances totally suck. I haven't been to the doctor in over a year and have been off of my high blood pressure meds longer than that. I also have diabetes, which I did not know back in 2005. Not to mention some sort of issue with my kidneys that the doctor was unable to explain other than saying something was abnormal. I wasn't able to make it to Japan and it does not look like I ever will so I have given up on that. I stopped going to school and I'm 3 courses away from an associates in business but I don't feel like taking classes anymore either. As far as my business, I have let that go by the wayside mostly as well. I wasn't able to make enough to quit my day job due to financial issues so it is on the back burner. My nephew Devante is doing fine. He's a really bright young man but I don't talk to him much. Keyonna is doing fine as well and she has 2 younger sisters with another sibling on the way. My brother and his wife are separated for right now, who knows if they are doing to get back together. It just happened recently though. My mom is still living and morbid as ever. I saw her today and she made me dinner. It was very good. We had bbq, collard greens, cornbread, and potato salad. There was carrot cake too but I was too full to eat any.

Last but not least, Susumu is doing well too. I have 6 cats now. I started with her and got a boy cat named Sonar. I waited too long to get him fixed so Susumu got knocked up lol and well I didn't want to get rid of any of her babies so I kept all 4.

Anyhow, nothing at all of note has been going on this year. I still work at a call center for at&t customer service. I've been sick with a cold though and didn't go in Friday. I doubt I will feel like going Monday either. I'm really so tired of working there but I haven't found anything else *sigh*