August 30, 2004

Can't get to sleep

I'm going crazy. I just cannot seem to fall asleep. I'm usually well on my way to dream land around 11p.m. and I'm an hour off. With no signs of really getting sleepy. I start clinicals tomorrow. My brother asked me the other day was I excited about it. What the hell do I need to be excited about? He was like well you're doing what you want to do right. I can't say that's exactly the truth. I just figured it's time for me to get started on some sort of career. I don't really like people but I can fake it lol. Am I excited? No. I'll be excited when I pass both parts of that state exam. I'm not particularly enthusiastic about going to clinicals at all I suppose.

The beginning of the month is looming near and I have NO money. I have to get up 20 bucks sometime tomorrow and walk to pay my damn light bill before they turn my shit off. I have 30 in the bank and I hope this damn girl comes through and pays me for these 8 cds I have for her so I can get 20 bucks from that. Now all I have to do is find 150 dollars after that with which I can pay my phone bill and another 30 dollars to pay my damn rent. I was going to ask my dad for 250 dollars but he wasn't home tonight. I'm going to try and catch his ass tomorrow though. I am so not even going to bother asking my aunt. She wouldn't send me money if my life depended on it. I mean, she helps me out but she won't send me any money. She'll buy something and send it to me. I can just imagine if I need some soap or something, she'd buy the soap and send it to me instead of sending me a couple of bucks to buy it (ok I really doubt she'd take it that far, I love you Auntie seriously hehehe).

I guess I'll try to throw myself to sleep somehow. I'm supposed to be getting something in the mail from somebody in that fan club I use to help run (i still help I guess but er some stuff went on in it... it's still around but sorta not really I guess you could say but anyways). It is my hope that the mail person actually puts the mail in the right box. She is notorious for not doing so. Just like the other mail person. These people need to pay more fucking attention to what they are doing. My sister said she sent me something but I haven't gotten it yet and it's been over a week. She either lied about sending it (which is very much a possibility) or it's lost in the void. That's really all I'm going to say about that, god forbid she reads my blog one day so I don't want to be to critical or anything. She says she sent it so... will have to assume she did...

Posted by Ryo-ohki at 12:05 AM | Comments (0)

August 25, 2004

back to class

I am so uninterested in going to class today. I haven't been for the last two days. The instructor has been sick. Doesn't look like I'll be let off again today but oh well. I really need to go anyways. I have some cds to give to some people and I'm badly in need of the cash I'll get. My light bill is seriously out of this world. I need to get up 80 bucks by tomorrow or they will turn my service off. My sister said she sent me a 60 dollar check with a stethoscope and blood pressure cuff but that shit hasn't gotten here yet. I doubt it will really... I bet if I ask her about it she'll say she forgot.

I have to go back to famous brands. That shit was so NOT delivered to my house. It ended up going back to them so now I have to pick it up. I feel so tired lately and I don't know why. Maybe it's laziness though. I clipped my fingernails last night. I'd have to cut them down anyways before I got to clinicals. It feels strange. PLUS I can't even scratch like I want to. Having practically no fingernails SUX BALLZ.

Posted by Ryo-ohki at 07:08 AM | Comments (0)

August 20, 2004

One more week

I'm almost ready for clinicals. I have my unforms and things. We will be practicing clinical skills all next week and then we are going to the nursing home. Hopefully the van will come pick me up in the morning. It should, I haven't been called back and told that they won't be able to.

I got a call from my aunt today. She had called Famous Brands and ordered me a uniform and some stuff. She told them to mail it to me but she didn't get when they were going to mail it off so she told me to call. I called them and the owner (the man...was the woman who had pulled all the stuff and was going to mail it) told me that it was ready but if I wanted it mailed I would be charged for it. I told him to hold it and I would pick it up Monday but then my brother walked in and said he'd take me to get it. I go up there and they don't even have the shit. I get told that the lady had already mailed it off when she got off the phone with my aunt so I went up there for nothing. At first I was told it was going to be sent to my aunt too but the lady at the counter even knew who the hell I was and didn't say a word. I call my aunt back and tell her so she hangs up with me and calls them back. When she calls me again she says they sent the stuff to me and I'll get it either tomorrow or Monday. Those people need to get their facts straight instead of giving out the wrong information. If I had walked up there I would have been pissed off to find that I went for nothing. It's hot as hell outside too.

My sister called me today as well. She said she sent me a blood pressure cuff, stethoscope, and a money order for 60 dollars so that's good. She was telling me about some sort of report she has to do too. Brings back memories I guess. I don't know why her school doesn't give her examples of the shit she has to do. She has to write it in 12pt. font, Times New Roman and double-spaced. No big deal I guess. She doesn't really know how to use Word all that well and I need to tell her how she'll set it up to have the pages numbered. Sadly, I don't have Word installed on here anymore. I had formatted my computer a while back and I haven't put Office back on it. Not like I needed to use it anyways. What I might do is just load it on my brother's computer. I don't want that shit back on mine. I need to show my mom how to use it anyways since she's taking computer classes and what not.

Posted by Ryo-ohki at 05:31 PM | Comments (0)

August 18, 2004

No money, Mo' problems

Being broke sucks so much ass. My phone was turned off yesterday. I have the money to pay it BUT I didn't have a ride to go to the payment agent nor to my bank to deposit the money. I got home around 3:30 yesterday and it was off. I went over my mom's friend's house and called the guy who was supposed to pick me up and he would not come over there. He even hung up. I called him back and cursed him out because he's such a bitch. Bellsouth had told me that if I paid the bill online the service would be restored. I was still connected to the internet so that's what I did even though I don't have the money in the bank. It usually takes a couple of days for payment to actually hit my bank once I've paid it online and that's what I'm counting on. I'm going to have to trust my mother with the bill money and send her to my bank and have her deposit the money. She may have to raise hell in there considering she's not on the account. It isn't like she's going to try and withdraw the money.

On another note, I've had new dreams lately. I had one last night and the night before that. The one I had the night before last was of going to Pine Manor. It's the nursing home we went to yesterday for orientation. I had never actually seen Pine before then but in the dream it was a lot bigger and I ended up getting seperated from everyone else and was just lost for a long time. I finally made it out of the building and everyone had been looking for me. If there was more to that dream than that, I've forgotten it.

The dream I had last night was about a few different things. I had found this website about cheesecake but it was all in german. I had used babel to get the gist of it and saw that somebody was offering different types of cheesecake (including my favorite with strawberries in it). I went to where he lived and saw lots of cheesecake just sitting around and I had tasted one and it was crap (because it was like ancient a there for display I guess, who knows). The guy came out and I was asking him about the cheesecake and told him I wanted to buy some from him and I told him the kind I liked so he began to make me some fresh ones.

Another part of the dream dealt with my brother dragging me to play some sort of fighting arcade game. Reminded me of Tekken or Mortal Kombat almost. We were playing the game but it felt like we were somehow inside of the game itself watching it. Was sorta strange I can't really explain it. There was this big ape type thing and we were fighting it. It had hit this baby in the head with a rock so we were trying to stop it I grabbed the baby and ran up the stairs and put the baby on the bed. I went back downstairs and the thing ended up hitting my brother really bad with one of those big concrete blocks. I grabbed him (like they show you how to grab someone to assist you with walking in class) and went upstairs and laid him on the bed too. He had some head trauma though but he wasn't dying or anything, just a concussion I guess. I called the paramedics and it was some of the people from Third Watch (I loved that show, wonder what the hell happened to it). The one I noticed most was officer Cruez I guess her name was, the latino SGT. She was getting on my case about my brother being hurt (I had gotten thrown outside and needed some help my damn self since I was hurt and stuck where I was). I told her like damn well I would have taken him to the hospital if I weren't busy just trying to save his life to begin with.

I don't remember much after that but the mom of the baby had come back (There was some damn white girl who left her little baby here at my house. Why she would leave her baby with a stranger I have no fucking idea. Was the first time my mom had ever seen this girl and I think she wasn't even a day over 19). The baby had a bump on it's head and I was telling her about it and that she needed to take the baby to the hospital to get checked out. She looked hesitant to do it (This white chick was pretty damn dumb when I saw her earlier before I went to bed. She was looking out the god damn back door waiting for somebody while her baby wanted some attention and was about to cry. I got pissed off to no end. I tell ya, these crackheads make me sick). I asked her how would she feel if the baby died because she didn't take it to be looked at and then she agreed and finally did. Some other stuff happened after that but since I took so long to actually type this up I've forgotten it.

Posted by Ryo-ohki at 06:51 AM | Comments (0)

August 15, 2004

another day with no progress

I'm so lazy. It's already Sunday and I haven't done jack all. I was supposed to look for some albums for a couple of people and I haven't. As bad as I could use the cash for getting them. The food Ms. White cooked Thursday was great at least. Almost as good as my mom's cooking, almost.

I went to famous brands to try on scrubs and such. I was supposed to call my aunt and she would have paid for the stuff over the phone but I forgot to bring her number with me. I had to walk back home so I wasn't going to walk back up there. It had started to rain really bad anyways. I did get the price quote that I need to take to my caseworker though. He is currently on vacation. I don't know for how long. He said he was going on vacation Friday and I should have gotten the price quote to him before then but fuck that, I'm not going to be walking all over the god damn place in the rain for nobody. I should probably call my aunt to night but I don't feel like it. I'll send her an e-mail instead.

Other than that, nothing much has gone on all week. I usually try to post once every couple of days but there just hasn't been anything worth writing about. One of the ops in that channel I was talking about finally talked to his IRCop friend. He says that they can't reset the registration date unless the webmaster reset the date of the entire network back that far and that's just not going to happen so oh well.

Things are really going to start speeding up monday. The next 3 days we will have a few more chapters of work to do (which I already did Thursday...). After that the rest of the week and next week we will be honing our clinical skills. I really need to get my stethoscope and blood pressure cuff so that I can practice at home and get better. I need to make sure to pay on my damn phone bill Monday too.

Posted by Ryo-ohki at 08:43 PM | Comments (0)

August 11, 2004

waiting for tomorrow

Class should be very good tomorrow. Mainly because of lunch. Ms. White is going to be cooking tomorrow. We are going to have fried collard greens, chicken wings, corn bread, and potato salad. I've never heard of fried collard greens myself, regular collard greens maybe. I told my mom and she said that fried collard greens are great but she doesn't know how to make any. She was also amazed that they were actually cooking up there in the classes. The other day we had chili dogs. Was homemade chili as well, Ms. Lowe made it since one of the ladies bought all of the supplies.

I had an ok day today. I was sorta upset since I let two names I was watching over on IRC drop and a channel got dropped right along with it. I was able to get the channel back (since one of the ops in there had registered it) and one of the names. I wasn't able to get the second name back, Blade, but one of the sops says he has a plan. He's gotten these particular names back before so I have faith in him. It is my hope that we will be able to get an IRC op to change the registration date back to 1999 like it use to be. It's because of my stupidity and forgetfulness that the names dropped. I was supposed to be taking care of them(well there was another co-founder so we're both to blame, which is good because that means we can be miserable about it together hahaha).

As for class today well ... that didn't really go so great. We were being checked off for vital signs. I did ok on reading temperature and er I was two above the actual number of resperations and pulse. I completely bombed on blood pressure and I thought that was my best thing. I just wasn't paying attention to what I was looking at. I'm not use to useing that damn mercury blood pressure thingy (yes I know the real name of it, I just can't spell that shit this time of night). Will try to do better next time. Why couldn't she do bedmaking or something. I kick ass at that.

Posted by Ryo-ohki at 10:25 PM | Comments (0)

August 08, 2004

where the hell is everybody

For some reason no one seems to be answering the damn phone today. I called my sister in Tennessee and got no answer, I called my aunt in California and got no answer. I tried calling my brother and he lives in town and nada (his NCO was lookin for his ass too). I know it's Sunday but damn. AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO RETURN SOMEBODY'S PHONE CALL.

That aside, I was watching Aeon Flux recently and there was a part of it that just struck something in me (especially when I heard the same thing when I was watching Joan of Arcadia Friday). It was when someone said everything that rises must converge. What does that mean exactly? I know that converge means to come together. But come together with what or for what purpose? Are you coming together with something similar to yourself or something different, in essence changing who you are into something more than what you use to be. If that's the case, how do you know that you will be better after said change or worse.

I'm taking these nursing assistant classes to change myself. I guess it can be called an attempt to rise from where I am now. I can see myself changing slowly and I think it's a good change. It is my hope that once I finish and come closer to my goal (which I won't say exactly WHAT that goal is at this point but I do have one, don't want to jinx myself), I will have changed into something more. I want the me of today to change into something greater for tomorrow.

I made it to my appointment Friday, BTW. Was really a bunch of nothing but at least I made it. I took my make-up tests as well. Were both of abbreviations. I got 100 on the first one and a 90something on the second one. I had missed one. I know med means medicine, why the hell I put medical is anyone's guess.

Posted by Ryo-ohki at 06:20 PM | Comments (0)

August 06, 2004

Missed class :(

The damn van didn't come to pick me up yesterday. Well, I don't really know that it didn't, I assumed it didn't. Either I missed it or he just didn't show his ass up. I didn't hear the horn blowing or anything. So I missed two tests yesterday and I didn't get to watch Radio. Someone had the movie and after we finished our tests yesterday we were going to get to watch it before she had to take it back. Sux. And I hate having to miss a day as well. I might have really needed to take off the time (like today for instance since I have an appointment at noon...). Oh well though.

I had another interesting dream. Seemed to have been influenced by my watching CSI last night since some of the characters were in it. I don't remember everything that went on but there were these people who were making this virus to spread over the world and I was part of the group trying to stop them (I seriously need to write these dreams down right as I wake up, I could have made a story about this shit probably). There were a lot of different people who were trying to infiltrate the group and some who were trying to infiltrate ours and stuff like that you know murder and deception type stuff.

Anyways our group (and really most of humanity you might say) must've ended up losing whatever battle was going on. The last part of the dream was being in some sort of hidden facility and some woman was having a baby (this is a few years later I'm assuming so a lot of the people who started the group were probably dead). The father of the baby was in another facility watching on the monitor and it was the guy um Greg I think his name is, the one who runs the tests and shit on CSI but he was 10 or 15 years older than when all this stuff was first going on and in the beginning he didn't really play a big part in all the action but this far down the timeline he was one of the leaders along with me it looked like. After the woman had the baby and he sang to it and shit the monitors started blinking red. The enemy group had released the virus in one part of a country (I don't remember which) and I could see all of the people there dying (you know like in the movies even though if you weren't there you surely wouldn't get that kind of perspective). After all of the population of that place were wiped out the carriers of the virus(who looked like mermaids) dove into the sea and seperated to infect other places I guess and that's when I woke up.

Now that I think about it, in the beginning of the dream that was the initial goal, to destroy the virus before it was mass produced and kill the carriers they were trying to develop. The carriers chose to be so because they wanted to just kill everybody anyways just to be bastards.

I was chatting with my friend yesterday, the one who went to Otakon. I really doubt I'll get that detailed description of what went on at the convention since she's a lazy bum :P. I watched some of L'arc~en~Ciel's Real tour at Tokyo dome and I see that them throwing fruit and shit into the crowd is just part of the usual show. She told me Hyde had reddish brown hair and it was sorta long *drool*. I haven't been able to find ANY pictures. What crap.

Posted by Ryo-ohki at 06:28 AM | Comments (0)

August 05, 2004

so many new dreams lately

I wonder what's going on. Usually I don't dream all that much. Am I starting to sleep better now or something. I had many different sections of dreams last night but I don't remember many of them. I remember one part that was about the van that comes to pick me up in the morning for class and another one was at some castle on the beach type thing but people were having a water race. That's all I can recall about either of them. I need to start looking up things about dreams. I use to have this little book on it. I thought you only dream while in R.E.M. sleep and that it takes a while to get to that level of sleep. I set my alarm to wake me up at 3:30 in the morning usually. When I wake up I reset the alarm for an hour later (sometimes only 30min later). I think that each time I woke up (this process of resetting the alarm happenes at least 2 or 3 times) I remembered having a dream before I did. Oh well, at least I feel completely rested when I do finally get up. I have to study a page of abbreviations for tests today so I better get my ass up instead of wanting to climb in the bed for 30 more minutes.

I was looking on IRC for a moment and see that a very annoying person is back one of the channels I'm op in. I don't know why I even bother continuing to stay on webnet. Nothing but malays who don't have a lick of sense. Somebody on there has a very annoying ass script that will advertise who comes and goes in the channel. I told the person who owns the bot to turn the god damn thing off since it was annoying me (but they are aop and i'm sop). I guess they think they don't have to listen to me so they actually said no. I removed them from the aop list and banned them. Now they are back on the aop list (I've no doubt that the malay founder of the channel is either too young to understand or just plain stupid about my reason for removing/banning them last time). Oh well, I can always continue to remove their aops. I put them on the akick list this time hahaha o.o

Posted by Ryo-ohki at 05:55 AM | Comments (0)

August 04, 2004

Amazing Race

I seriously love this show. Last night the people had to go to Egypt and they got to see the pyramids and the sphinx. That kicked so much ass. I would give ANYTHING to be able to do that. One group also rode horses and led some camels for about a mile through the desert. I bet the view of the pyramids like that at night was breathtaking if you were actually there. I was just watching the tv and was impressed. Is astonishing how the ancient Egyptians built the structures by just dragging the blocks to where they needed to be (the people had to do that too, drag two blocks over logs the length of a football field but it seemed not all that hard once you got a system down to it).

Not much went on yesterday. I had to get a ride from someone else to get home. I don't really know what happened exactly yesterday. But we didn't have to get to class until 11a.m. I was there at like 8:15 since I had nothing better to do and didn't want to sit at home. Tina (who gives me a ride home) arrived at like 11:05 and sat down and Beverly (a close friend of hers who's taking classes too) was about to come into the room and I think Ms. Lowe said something to her and whatever it was it got Beverly angry and she asked Tina to drop her back off at her house. Tina packed up her stuff and left and they didn't return for the day so who knows.

There's also a B.O. problem in the classroom. It really stunk in there. Somebody was very musty. I know who it was too but I'm going to wait a few days before pointing her out to Ms. Lowe or Ms. White. Ms. Low had said something about it yesterday so one would hope that the girl will be more dilligent with soap and water today and let's not forget deoderant o.o

Posted by Ryo-ohki at 06:40 AM | Comments (0)

August 02, 2004

New Dream

I wish I had gotten up right after the dream was finished so I'd have more of it to write down. This dream started in a house I use to have in the old hood but it looked sorta different on the inside. It was one of those shotgun houses. My mom was asleep in the middle room. Some guy started knocking on the door really hard. He wouldn't fucking leave. Was some sort of bum that just wanted to harass me. I ended up having to call the cops and when I did, the operator asked if Nancy (my mom) lived there. I told her that she was supposed to be in florida (a lie of course) and asked why she wanted to know. She said that she had a warrant on her for some type of shit, an unpaid debt of like 600 dollars for some typing lesson bull crap(I assumed that's what it was those people call me every now and again wanting their money for something my mom did like 20 years ago, isn't that some shit?).

While me and this lady were shooting the breeze I had opened the door and for some reason unlatched the screen (had a close call with the psycho guy in other words) and he almost got in the house. I asked the operator on the phone what the hell was taking so long. The police did FINALLY arrive (now that I think about it, I shouldn't have been surprised that they were taking their time, I lived in the ghetto after all) and it was a white guy and a black chick who wasn't really a cop but she carried one of those 2-way walkie talkies and the cop had the other one.

I shook my mom awake and told her that if any of the two people spoke to her to she was to tell them she was my aunt. She noded and went back to sleep. The cop was outside searching for the psycho guy (who I never did end up finding out what the hell he wanted) and having NO luck. He just disappeared (was really hiding). Let me mention that not too long ago here there was someone like that. He use to live with us but we put his ass out because he refused to work and wouldn't pay any of the bills. The ONLY people who stay here are either going to school or working, either way they better be bringing in some sort of money. NO free rides (except my lazy ass mom). But anyway back to the story...

I went to the back door and opened it and unlatched the screen (yeah dumb if I ever was but I wasn't worried...). The psycho guy (He had told me his name... his real name but the one he went by was Mathers. I did know the first name but since I took so long to get up and write this down I forgot it) magically showed up but I didn't care a bit, I moved aside and told my dog to get him. When I was a kid I had the most gorgeous dog. He was a mix of a siberian husky and something else. I loved his blonde fur. I use to know what the something else was but it's been too many years, I think I was 12 when I had him. I miss him too, I had gotten him when he was 6 months so he was already big and pretty. His name was Baxter. We had to let the pound take him though, couldn't care for him anymore. We were just that poor. So Baxter chased the guy and he jumped over the fence and I told Baxter to come back.

I asked the girl to let me see the walkie talkie and I spoke to the cop and told him the guy had just been here and he jumped over the fence. The cop still had NO luck finding him since he went back into hiding apparently. I told him that I had an idea, I would send Baxter to him so he could find the guy and he said that was great. I let out Baxter and told him to track and he jumped over the fence. The guy was hiding in plain sight I guess you'd say. He was just under some leaves so I told the cop to hurry the hell up. When the guy was found out by the dog (Baxter was pretty damn stupid and was too friendly to other people, that's one of the few things that sucked about him but I guess it's my fault since I didn't really train him or anything) he got up and jumped BACK over the fence into my yard and Baxter went with him to keep him away from me and the cop finally came and arrested the guy.

After he was in custody the cop asked me if I knew where my mom was (for some reason he didn't see her sleeping there in the bed or if he did see someone there he didn't ask about her). I told him that she was in florida but I haven't heard from her since she left. He was telling me that maybe something happened to her before she got there. I told him don't think like that and I'm sure she's fine, she's just really inconsiderate (which she is, my mom will fucking disappear in the middle of the night and not come back for two or three days and not say a word to anybody, makes me sick). After the cop with the guy in the back seat (and the girl) went away I had woke up and that was that.

There was possibly some other part of the dream but I can't recall it now. I think I need to keep my notepad near me when I sleep (and another pencil, somebody in class stole my favorite mechanical pencil while I was on cleaning duty, isn't that fucked up?). I use to keep the notepad with me but just to write down lyrics to songs I heard on the radio in the middle of the night so I could look for them later. I've missed the opportunity to write down very good snatches of dreams I've had by not doing that.

Posted by Ryo-ohki at 05:34 AM | Comments (0)

August 01, 2004

Damn server goblins

Somehow my tmpl folder magically disappeared off of the server so I was unable to post. Somebody is fucking with me big time *runs and changes her damn passwords*

Anyways I've had a pretty boring weekend (a 3-day weekend no less, Friday was a free day so no class). I told myself I was going to do all of my homework yesterday or Saturday but (surprise) this did not come to pass. Oh well. The only thing I did (other than leeching anime and music) was read volume 5 and 6 of Stephen King's Dark Tower series. They were decent. I see the 7th and final volume come out next month. I can't wait to get to read it. I need to actually buy 5 and 6. I own 1-4 (the ones with illustrations in them, not those cheap paperback nothings) but 5 and 6 that I read were ebooks.

My friend got back from Otakon and told me a little bit about the L'arc~en~Ciel concert. Mostly she was saying how awesome it was and that Hyde's english sucks ballz. There were apparently lots of fangirls screaming and Hyde threw bananas and then his necklace into the crowd (I would have absolutely KILLED to see those fangirls beating the hell out of eachother for that). She couldn't get anything good because she was in the nosebleed section. I hope to be able to get a detailed report and some pictures from the convention from her. Sadly no Laruku pics since cameras of any kind were banned from the concert (only the press had them so maybe a video of the concert will show up sooner or later). I wish I could have gone *sigh*

Posted by Ryo-ohki at 07:57 PM | Comments (0)